We’ve all been there (or at the very least, I have). I remember my first days of school so well. My specially picked outfit for the day that I thought would help me to make a good first impression, before wearing mostly basic jeans and tee shirt combos for the rest of the year. Now that I’m starting my first year of college as a psych major, it led me to think about why we put so much emphasis on “first days”. Or more broadly, first impressions. I tried to search for the psychological reasoning behind it, eventually stumbling onto the creatively named First Impression Bias.
The First Impression Bias causes us to place more weight on our first impression of someone, than on information we find out later on about them. This is due to the fact that our brains are wired to be efficient. Part of this efficiency is making quick judgments of people in order for us to quickly categorize them. However, this bias leads to a disproportionate view of someone, as we tend to favor a first impression over contradictory behavior shown later on from a person.
For example, let's say someone cuts you off in traffic. Screw them, right? They must be extremely inconsiderate and rude to others. However, you find out this person goes to your school and has classes with you. When you see them in class, they take time to help other students, always do their share of work on projects, and pick up your pencil for you when you drop it. There might be more to this person than just them cutting you off. But your brain has already decided they must be rude. This initial judgment will continue to linger, and cloud your overall view of this multifaceted person. This is what First Impression Bias does to our perception of people.
First Impression Bias is a big reason as to why people are afraid of the first days of school. They know the importance of first impressions on people’s psyche, which causes them to worry. First Impression Bias and anxiety work together very well to mess with people’s self esteem, especially for teens.
Not only does the First Impression Bias affect teens' self image, but also the Illusion of Transparency and the Spotlight Effect. Starting off with the Illusion of Transparency, it causes us to believe people can see right through us. For example, if you view yourself in a negative light, you will believe others who haven’t even met you will also think that of you. The Illusion of Transparency works well with the Spotlight Effect, which causes us to believe that every little thing we do will be noticed by others.
For example, on your first day of school you’ll walk through the crowded halls. If you’re more on the anxious side, you will believe everyone is looking at and judging you for every little thing about you. However, this is 99% of the time not the case. Just because you are the center of your own world doesn’t mean you’re the center of everyone else's. Just like how you won’t remember anyone’s outfits, backpacks, or hairstyle, no one is likely to remember yours.
Another one of the most potent psychological concepts for having first day anxieties is the Self Fulfilling Prophecy. Like the name states, the Self Fulfilling Prophecy is the concept of how your belief of something will unintentionally cause it to happen. If one has a low self-esteem, the Self Fulfilling Prophecy will only help them to further their own perception of themselves.
For example, say you believe no one will like you on your first day of school. Because you believe no one likes you, you won’t contribute in conversations, you won’t make eye contact, will seem uninterested, and speak less. Therefore, you’re giving off negative signals to the rest of the group that they might perceive as you being unfriendly or arrogant. As a result, the group will most likely distance themselves from you. You’ll think to yourself, “I was right all along. No one will like me.” However, it was this belief that caused them to dislike you in the first place. The Self Fulfilling Prophecy is so dangerous because it’s a vicious cycle that will continue to reinforce any negative perception you have about yourself.
Self love is a powerful, albeit difficult tool to obtain. It doesn’t happen overnight and it takes time to build up. I like a lot of people who view self love as a switch that’ll one day just turn on for them or that you’re just born with this idea of loving yourself. However, this is the furthest thing from the truth. Self love can’t just be switched on, but instead is carefully nurtured everyday for long periods of time.
Teens are known for having high levels of anxiety, which causes people to only think about the negative things in their life. That’s why it’s so important for teens to try and remember the things that they may be doing right. This can be as little as, “I cleaned my room” or “I did 1 problem of my math homework.” Even one small example you can think of to counteract the negative view you have of yourself is enough to make progress.
However, in order to really practice self love, you must first find the source of the anxiety. For many teens, it is through relationships that they find anxiety. This can come in many forms, such as parents, siblings, classmates, friends, or partners. It is important to be surrounded by supportive communities, and to evaluate relationships that could be viewed as toxic. Obviously not all relationships that are toxic can be cut off while you’re a teen (the most obvious being parents), but toxic relationships that you don’t share a roof with are much easier to cut out of your life. Ask yourself questions like, “Do I feel safe around them? Do I trust them? Do they respect me?” And if the answer is “No” to any of those questions, you might want to reevaluate the relationship for the sake of your happiness.
Lastly, find things that help you de-stress and feel better about yourself. For me, those things are embroidery, anything crime related (shout out JCS Criminal Psychology I love you), humanitarian work, cooking, or studying different psychological concepts (First Impression Bias, the Illusion of Transparency, the Spotlight Effect, and the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, to name a few random examples).
These things help me to deal with anxiety and give me a sense of purpose to my life. These things all work together to help you build self love over time. Although it might feel as though self love is an unattainable goal that is barely in your line of site, any progress is good progress. Even if you can increase your day by 1%, that’s still something worth applauding. Take your time and go at your own pace.
Anxiety is an incredibly difficult thing to overcome and takes time and effort. However, the hard work pays off when it comes to dealing with anxiety. With building self love comes a more pronounced sense of self worth. Self worth helps you to become less susceptible to anxiety. Self love allows you to appreciate your own value and worry less about others' perception of you.
With self love also comes reduced negative talk towards oneself. Negative self talk is what anxiety is fueled by and a lack of it will cause anxiety to grow weaker. Speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion weakens anxiety’s power over the mind.
Lastly, self love often leads to a feeling of safety and security. This security helps to reassure you that whatever happens, you’ll be alright. This feeling of comfort and safety will help to fight feelings of anxiety.
I’m preparing for another “first day” as I’m typing this, but this time as a college student. I don’t meet it with the same anxiety high school me did, but with a sense of excitement and preparedness. While my boyfriend and other close friends of mine can assure you that my anxiety hasn’t gone away, I have gotten better at managing it. Part of this is learning the psychological concepts behind anxiety and how to confront them. Through exploring psychological concepts such as the First Impression Bias, the Spotlight Effect, the Illusion of Transparency, and the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, I’ve been able to learn more about where anxiety stems from. This knowledge has given me the tools to fight back against my anxiety, and I hope something in this article can help you too. Thank you for reading, and if you liked it you can read other articles I will be posting related to teens and mental health!