Introduction
Like many other people my age, I was introduced to the Menendez brothers’ case through Netflix’s hit show, Monsters. Looking at the case, it makes perfect sense why it was picked up for a Netflix show. If one is unaware of the Menendez case, the sons of a multimillionaire businessman (Lyle and Erik Menendez) shot their parents, only for it to come out that their father had been raping them throughout their childhood. They were then mocked on the stand for crying, with even SNL making a comedy sketch about it. As our society progresses, we look at this case with a different perspective. At first, I was quite happy to hear of Netflix shedding light on this case. “What a perfect opportunity to break stigma behind male sexual abuse,” I thought. Oh, how naive I was. Netflix also made a joke of the Menendez brothers, hypersexualizing them and making their relationship incestuous for the show. Considering that this was a genuine opportunity to shed light on the horrible coverage of their case, what Netflix did was extremely disrespectful. However, Netflix is just one example of the giant issue of men’s sexual abuse being treated as a joke.
The sad truth is that male victims of sexual assault are often ridiculed and dismissed, mostly by other men. This is due to the stigma that men can’t be raped, men always want sex, and that men are weak if they are raped. It is so common in pop culture to see prison rape jokes, that “Don’t drop the soap” is a common catchphrase. As a society, we’ve gotten a lot better at making male survivors feel comfortable to share their stories. However, Monsters is a grim reminder of the progress still needing to be made. In this article, we will challenge stereotypes about male sexual assault survivors, with a special focus on the Menendez Brothers case.
Background on the Menendez Brothers Case
The Menendez case is one filled with profound heartbreak and injustice. After years of suffering in silence at the hands of their father, and finding out their mother knew the whole time, Lyle and Erik decided to kill their parents. They originally stated that they came home to find their parents dead, citing a business deal gone wrong for the reason behind their killings. However, detectives didn’t buy that. Lyle and Erik Menendez were arrested and put on trial. They argued that the killings were out of self defence, citing years of sexual abuse at the hands of their father. However, the court saw it differently. They were both given life sentences without the possibility of parole.
The public's reaction to the Menendez brothers case has changed over time. Back in the 1990’s, their claims of abuse were not taken seriously. The most famous example of this was SNL’s skit regarding the trial. There is no mention of the sexual abuse they faced, and instead portrays the brothers as whiny idiots who try (and fail) to convince the court it was their identical twin brothers who killed their parents. While the skit is going on, the audience keeps seeing on the screen that they are set to inherit $14 million. All in all, the sketch was in awful taste, and is now being called out for it.
Why Society Doubts Male Survivors
It is no surprise to anyone that there are traits assigned to both genders. While women are often seen as the more weak and docile sex, men are seen as strong. Therefore, most men feel uncomfortable coming forward with abuse or mental problems they are facing. This could also explain why women report higher levels of depression, yet men are more likely to commit suicide. Since men are less likely to feel comfortable sharing, they could feel there is no way out.
Due to the stereotype of men often always wanting sex and being the “stronger” of the two sexes (both emotionally and physically), it was not accepted until relatively recently that men could be the victims of sexual abuse. This flat out denial of male victims, as well as men being uncomfortable with sharing traumas, makes it difficult for them to receive the help they need and deserve.
The Role of Humor and Media in Male Sexual Assault Perception
For many people, they have heard of the phrase, “Don’t drop the soap!” This comes from prison rape, depicting a man dropping the soap, therefore making it easier to rape them. While this is the most famous example of male sexual assault being played for laughs, it is sadly not the only one. It is incredibly common for jokes to be made about prison rape, women sexually assaulting men, and female, conventionally attractive teachers grooming male students. One of the most famous examples of this is in the show Riverdale, where the teen character Archie is groomed by his older teacher. Instead of framing it as grooming, it moreso frames it as a scandalous affair. While this may seem small, it represents a culture at large that states it is impossible for men to be traumatized by sexual assault.
This representation of male sexual abuse as a joke or as not actually being abuse makes it incredibly difficult for male survivors to come forward. The most common reason is not wanting to be embarrassed or emasculated because of it due to deep shame caused by abuse. This is due to the stigma that only “weak” or “feminine” men get assaulted, which is obviously not the case. Another sad reason as to why men do not come forward with abuse is because they do not believe they were abused. Due to the stereotype of men always wanting sex, it makes it difficult to believe a guy would not consent to sex. However, this is obviously not the case. Anyone can be sexually assaulted, no matter the age, sex, or race of the person. Sadly, the media's handling of the Menendez brothers case represents the issue of male sexual assault being played for laughs. The most popular example being the SNL skit, which does not even mention the abuse they faced at the hands of their father.
Psychological Effects of Sexual Abuse on Men
Since sexual abuse is viewed as something that only affects women, it can be very difficult for men to come forward with it. They are worried they will not be viewed as a “real man” if they come out with their story, or that they are weak. In many cultures, the expectation is that men handle their trauma in a stoic, bottled up way. They also tend to feel isolated due to it not being represented with respect in the media. However, one show that I would like to recommend that does treat this issue with respect is Baby Reindeer on Netflix. They also feel guilt, believing that it was their fault it happened. They question their masculinity, and think if only they were “stronger,” they could have prevented it.
Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, there are many issues that can stem from trauma not being addressed. One of the most common is PTSD, also known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Symptoms typically include flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness. Another is depression, manifesting as feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and a lack of interest in life. They will often experience anxiety, including panic attacks. Substance abuse is also unfortunately common, with men turning to it in order to cope with their loss. In severe cases, sexual trauma can lead to suicide. This is especially prevalent in men, who are more likely to commit suicide than women.
Changing the Conversation Around Male Sexual Assault
It is no surprise that teens are the ones who will next lead the world and hold a lot of power. Therefore, it is very important that they have an empathetic understanding towards male victims of sexual abuse. This means destigmatizing it, not making jokes at the expense of male victims, and supporting male victims when they come forward with stories of abuse. This will ensure that generations to come, especially male victims, do not feel so alone.
Conclusion
It is devastating what happened to the Menendez brothers, and the treatment they received from the media afterwards. They were molested by their father from a young age, up until when they killed him. They were then exposed to widespread criticism from the media, making fun of their trauma and lives. The psychological toll that sexual abuse has on men is saddening, and it often leads to trauma. We should be working to change the conversations around sexual abuse, aiming to support victims, rather than harm them. Through awareness, empathy, and education, we can help make the world a better place for survivors.